Gray Gardner

Yesterday I watched a TV show featuring amazing animal attacks. These types of shows come on all the time, and I watch them whenever I have the chance. This particular show exhibited an attack in which a bear mauled a woman. Two guys jumped in to try and stop the bear and eventually succeeded in retrieving the lady from the animal’s grasp. Then, not yet ready to stop fighting, the bear grabbed one of the male rescuers, throwing him to the ground. A wrestling match ensued for several minutes before the bear’s trainer finally stopped the massive beast. Fortunately, both the woman and her rescuer walked away with only minor scratches.

While watching the footage of this intense scuffle, I couldn’t help but think that I would like to get in a fight with a wild animal. Honestly, is there anything more manly? I think if a bear (especially a bear that had been in captivity its entire life, such as this one had) came near me, searching for blood, I would demonstrate my dominion over it. I can’t help but think that in that moment, I would do everything in my power to pummel the animal into submission. You may be thinking, “But Gray, it’s a bear. They are massive and powerful – it would destroy you.” I disagree.

Every time I day dream about fighting wild animals (which is often), visions of David from the Bible come to mind. While he was a teenage boy he killed both a bear and a lion – with his bare hands. I mean really? I know times are different, and David had grown up in the wilderness, spending his nights outdoors guarding his flocks of sheep, immune to the fear that stirs us when we come across wild animals. But still. He was a teenage boy. I think, being 20 and in okay physical condition, I too could handle a bear. Not a lion though. A lion would maul me.

Maybe I’m naïve. Actually, I think that’s definitely the case. But I’d like to think that if a wild animal charged at me, I would stand my ground, and then shatter its jaw bone with a single punch. Worst case scenario, I would get scratched a couple of times, or possibly bitten on the arm, before eventually stopping the animal’s heart with a single drop-kick to the chest. Yea… that’s how it would happen.

Hopefully, in a moment of divine irony, God won’t send a bear or mountain lion my way and allow it to rip my face off. That would be embarrassing.

-Gray